I don’t usually go to a dark place, in fact, I’ve been accused of being annoyingly happy all the time. But not lately. Turning 60 in January, and then losing my mother in February threw me into a Twilight Zone kind of upheaval.
A kind of panic and fear has tried to overtake me. My thought process runs through the mud: People my age are dying…who knows how long I have...I’ve not accomplished anything... there’s not enough time to do all the things I want to do...my husband, my kids, my grandkids...on and on, until I feel like curling up in the fetal position and checking out from the world.
Just like Scott in Wedding Express, fear clouds my thinking, confuses my perspective, and affects my decisions. My prayers seem to hit a concrete ceiling, and my heavenly Father seems distant. Scott’s Pastor Jack, the traveling preacher that serves at the diner church in the story, confronts Scott with his fears.
I balled my hand into a fist. “I can’t do this right now.‛ Please leave me alone.
“Why not? Haven’t you figured out through all this how quickly life passes by? Your uncle seems to understand that. He reached out in faith for love and he knows as well as anyone that we don’t know what tomorrow brings. The older we get, the word ‘now’ becomes very important.”
“That’s just it, where’s my faith? I can’t even pray anymore.” I bumped the table with my fist.
Pastor Jack reached across the table and squeezed my arm. “I’d say faith’s something you have to practice. I think you’re being tested in areas where you trusted in yourself. Youth and strength made you feel invincible. It was easy to trust then. But when life happens with death and sickness, faith must grow to a whole new level. Remember the Father said, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’‛
Pastor Jack and Scott discuss the scripture where Jesus says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
“Actually, God said that in several references. Deuteronomy and Hebrews. What Jesus actually said was “I am with you always. Present tense.”
I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled. Present tense.
“He’s with you now. So you can live now, love now, and trust Him for the future.”
Who knew that I’d be ministered to by something I was led to write two years ago? I may not feel it right now, but I need to practice my faith and know that I am not alone, that Jesus will never leave me. He’s got me in the palm of his hand, and just like Scott, I’ll get through this.
About Wedding Express
Book 2 in the Washout Express Series: Scott West is about to marry the woman of his dreams, but when delayed grief and a life-or-death event jeopardizes their relationship, Scott is forced to ask himself what kind of man he really is. Can he own up to the truth and risk losing the love of his life? And if he does come clean, will it be enough for Bailey? Discover the power of hope, forgiveness, and love in Wedding Express.
About the Author
Jody Bailey Day writes inspirational fiction from her West Texas home. Writing, thirteen grandchildren, and a full time job at her local library keep her busy, along with her interest in crochet. She is President of her writers group, Critique Cafe, and is involved in Toastmasters. She is represented by Hartline Literary Agency.